Answered Prayers Don't Always Look Like What You Think They Should

Prayer. It can be a confusing, frustrating thing. We ask. We beseech. We struggle with what to "ask" for, or should we ask at all? Some times we even feel guilty when our prayers are answered. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us to "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

To my way of thinking, this means that prayer is an ongoing conversation. I like to think I pray all day, often pausing to pray for requests I get through email, or see on Facebook, or when someone comes to mind. I never say that I am praying for someone or something that I don't pause. Praying for others is an honor I take very seriously. 

But, what do we do when the answers to those prayers don't look like what we thought they should? Let me share a recent answer I got with my diagnosis.

In March, I was in serious pain with my shoulder.  I had tried several solutions - massage, salt water floats, medication, but the pain continued to intensify.  I remember distinctly standing in the flower bed outside and praying "God I know that you are still a God of miracles and that you could heal my shoulder and take this pain away if it is your will.  But if it isn't, tell me what to do."  

The pain did not diminish. By the first of April, I could not sleep more than a couple of interrupted hours each night.  Everything suffered and the pain continued. So, I sought the counsel of a dear friend and decided that I may need a cortisone shot. On April 5th, I saw an Orthopedist who found the lesions in my shoulder and was not only diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, but I also had a break in my shoulder bone.

My prayer was for the pain to stop. God's answer was to save my life.  My disease had already progressed to 90% of my bone marrow at stage 4. Undiagnosed, I would most likely be dead now according to my oncologist.

I believe this answer is an example of what Romans 8:28 means: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It doesn't mean that life will be easy or that we will always be happy, but it does offer us a measure of peace to know that God is weaving a tapestry through the good and the bad to bring us to His best.

May 1
I'd like to say that I am adjusting to a new normal. But, I'm not there yet.

I'll be honest, when all of this started, I prayed that I could be one of those people who had such grace and dignity that I would hold my head up high, be the model of strength and character and press through with a smile. So far, not so much. The truth about all of this is that it sucks. It just plain sucks. Chemo meds suck. Steroids suck. Checking my blood sugar when I never had to before sucks. Leg cramps. Nose bleeds. Throwing up. Nausea. Missing play-off hockey games. No energy. It all sucks.

But, as is often the case in God's economy, there is equal beauty in the ashes. There are countless reminders surrounding me even now - notes from sweet people - gifts - and tokens that say "we believe" in you, for you, because of you. And my shoulders straighten a little, my head rises a little more with each one.

There's hope for me yet.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And so it begins....

Two weeks ago today, I walked into an orthopedist’s office expecting to receive a cortisone shot for a sore shoulder. I walked out with a preliminary diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma.

Wait. What?  I have holes? In my bones?

What ensued were a series of tests by my primary care physician. She was aggressive and thorough, informing me that the holes could either be caused by Multiple Myeloma or another form of cancer that had metastasized. We needed to get to the bottom of it and quick because we could be looking at a stage 4 cancer.

Wait. Huh? I just wanted a shot.

CT scans. X-Rays. 24-hr urine collection. Check. Check. And check. Blood draws, mammogram, pap smear. Check, check, check.

Results started coming back quickly.  Lungs – clear. Mammogram – good. Pelvic scan – no issues.  Whew. Pap – clean. Blood work – whoa. Blood work was “suspicious”. Kidneys were on the verge of failure. And I was anemic. All indicators of Multiple Myeloma. By the end of the day Friday I had a bone marrow biopsy scheduled for Monday, full body scan on Wednesday, and an appointment with an oncologist on Tuesday.

 

By the time I met with the oncologist on Tuesday, we were 90% sure it was Multiple Myeloma, even without the biopsy results (which, as it turned out 90% of my marrow had MM cells).

 

And now, here I am. Writing my first ever blog post. My hope and prayer for this blog is that I can offer some form of encouragement to others on the same journey. And that documenting this journey for myself and my family and friends will give us a place to laugh, cry, be afraid and be strong together.... and most of all give us a place to be overcomers.